


Love letters to the wrong address

by OliviaStone



Category: Naruto
Genre: Cheesy, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:48:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25613836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OliviaStone/pseuds/OliviaStone
Summary: Life is full of happy accidents; unconventional and improbable moments that are hilarious when looked back on; it's in one of their ways that our couples meet. A group of sweet drabbles where love letters are sent to wrong addresses and yet, in the end, the right person gets the message.The settings are modern-AU and the story lines are as cheesy as they are funny.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Uzumaki Naruto, Hatake Kakashi/Nohara Rin, Hyuuga Hinata/Inuzuka Kiba, Jiraiya/Tsunade (Naruto), Nara Shikamaru/Temari, Sarutobi Asuma/Yuuhi Kurenai, Uchiha Sasuke/Yamanaka Ino
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	1. TsuRaya

**Author's Note:**

> Storyline= throw your microwave at me as I jog ; while your ex dodges and runs you pull me into your apartment and offer a date to apologize.

A woman was yelling from a high window, visible from the waist up as she bends out it, shaking her fist. Jiraiya couldn't make her out very clearly but he could see that she was blonde and in a green Japanese style robe- and very furious. The man she was yelling at didn't seem very interested in the argument, he walked ahead of jiraiya in the street, dragging a suitcase behind him. When the woman said something particularly insulting he would stop to scowl at her but never yelled back. Jiraiya slows his jog into a casual walk, gripped by the scene. Not much happened in the suburbs, this was possibly the most drama he's seen in these streets. From what he hears they were in a relationship- the breaking up part- and as is common during a fight, things were being said that should rather not. "You weren't even a decent kisser, your tongue would just jerk around in my mouth like an electric eel." His shoulders shake in repressed chuckles, nothing cracks him up like failures in sexual performances, and it sounded like the poor fellow had many. " Don't you dare flip your hair at me!, I own garden scissors and you know you can't outrun me!". At the reminder the man hastens his walk, and Jiraiya has to stop to throw his head back and laugh. He never saw the microwave coming; and unlike the ex, he doesn't duck into the safety of the rosebush; so while he was still laughing and laughing it whoops him extremely hard on the back of the head and sends him to the ground, flat on his stomach. When he wakes up he's on a cushioned furniture; not all rough and solid like the street had been; theres something icy and wet around his head and his skull is vibrating. He groanes, trying to sit up. "Easy there" says a voice, which, as he turns his eyes towards, sees belongs to the banshee. He's suprised she could sound so soft and caring when she was swears and screams the moment he first saw her. It had been early morning then and, at the confirming glance at the clock, it was early afternoon now. He's still in his red and black training tracksuit-but the top had been taken off, leaving him in a wife beater he had worn underneath. She had changed into a summer dress that suited her nicely, especially the chest area where it dipped and squeezed. "You're dressed?. Are we starting my dream all over?". She rolls her eyes, smiles," I dragged you in here after you... fainted; you've been out for most of the day.". She goes to reheat the kettle; there's a cup and coffee and tea ingredients on the coffee table already. He watches her a long moment, then when he realises that this is real- and she's not going to rip off her dress and jump him- he stands and stretches; exaggeratedly to show off his impressive physique. " Don't over-work yourself, you've only just regained consciousness." He assures her he feels fine and struts over to her windows; and stared out of it like she had earlier. He can see the street, there's a machine scattered and broken below an apple tree; a little over where he last remembered being; and it occurred to him that it could have soared out of here, and after kissing his medulla, crushed into the indented tree. "You threw your MICROWAVE at me?". Back at the couch she gestures for him to join her, green tea poured out as he prefered. "Yeah, it was Orochimaru's". She looks apologetic and saddened. " That the guy you were aiming for? The dude with the horse hair? Your ex?". She nods, laughs." I seem to have a thing for your sort, you are the fourth guy I've dated with long hair". She gestures to his wild whites. "Dated?". "That's what this( she gestures between them and the coffee table) is, I thought it would make it up to you." She arches a brow, wanting to know if he's interested. He arches a brow right back, he most certainly is. "Jiraiya". He offers his hand so they can shake on it. "Tsunade". "And if we ever argue," he speaks with a hint of flirtation",you are free to chuck lacy lingerie at me, that would be the worst punishment." He grins to show how opposite it actually would be. She laughs," Ha! I'll go for the fridge".


	2. TemMaru

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Storyline=My brother ran you over during a driving lesson on my watch; so I'll let you kiss me during CPR in hope you don't sue

As driving instructors before her have error Temari makes the mistake of relaxing; once her student seemed to be going steady she played a game on her phone and allows herself to be distracted. Then she glanced up. A boy crosses the street on their side of the road, looking on ahead while waking at a pace that showed he was oblivious to the car coming straight for him. "Gaara" she looks to her brother, who has both eyes open and zero concern for what he sees. "Gaara" she repeated, warning. "you know that left-foot clutch/brake right-foot clutch/brake I keep forgett-" "when the Hell were you gonna ask?" she's so peeved she nearly smacks him over the head; but the more pressing matter is to stop the accident from happening, and so her hand moves in for the steering wheel. Gaara harshly slaps her wrist. " Don't do that," He says like is admonishing a small child. "It's not road safe." She gasps indignantly, out of the corner of her eye she sees the J-walker finally spot them, looking suprised at first then blank faced and unmoving- like a monster truck headed for him is the least concerning thing in the world. "Seriously!?" In this messed up situation shes not sure if she meant that about the homicidal driver or the suicidal walker. The gap closes too soon, the car jolts and the boy is knocked back while her seatbelt gives her a neck-wedgie and Gaara remains indifferent. However, the car doesn't move forward. " Left-foot breaks". Gaara smiles, "I just remembered.". She ignored him as she unclips her seatbelt and goes to the front of the car; where the boy lay carelessly as if sunbathing in the middle of the road, eyes closed. "Please don't be dead". She looks around as she tiptoes toward him; nervous to be approaching someone who could possibly be UN-alive; but luckily the street is empty of witnesses. Pressing on his chest she stops to put her head above his heart, this would be an effective tell if she had paid enough attention in health class to learn what the right pace is supposed to be. He isn't reacting to anything; and she had nudged him with her foot before she crunched next to him; and it was making her panick. Without real necessity or experience she pluckers open his mouth and blows air into him. Six seconds into this he gives a reaction... his tongue flickers in her mouth...then his lips move.... And holy Kami, is he kissing her?. She abruptly breaks the lip-lock. She doesn't think she looked at him; he had only been Gaara"s victim, the sorry j-walker who'd be classified missing by the police (because Temari knew they never looked at the bottom of quicksand; and that's why shes NEVER going to jail)- but after they kissed she looks at him. She looks; he is brown haired and angular faced and wiry-built with a clever tongue; she sees someone date-able. And alive. "you're not dead". He peers at her through heavy lashes; there's a glaze in the eyes that could mean he's sleep or disoriented or 'something else' that makes her gut knot. " Are you badly hurt? In agonizing pain?" He shakes his head. " Do you understand what I'm saying? Should I call an ambulance? Or a bilingual? How many fingers am I holding up?". "Yes, no, needless, three". He answers the questions as she throws them. Then with a sigh he asks questions of his own, " are we going to kiss again or you gonna help me up". She doesn't outright refuse, and is fighting a blush as she lifts him off the ground, stumbling a bit as he leans his weight on her and in doing so steps on the pieces of his phone smashed on the pavement. "Owww... Um, jezz-" she winches, grinding his earphone's earpiece from under her sole. "Leave it" he dismisses it like it's not a 2.5 doller tablet. "I'm so sorry, if youre not insured I could-" "buy me a new one?" He guesses, looking amused. "Moving fast, eh? You knock me off my feet( he makes a sweeping gesture, of the car blowing him away), undress me in the open ( he gestures to jacket, which she had opened to hear his heart better) smoother me with smooches ( he gestures to his red lips) offer me gifts; and I don't even know your name". Somehow he had romanticized what would have been a hit-and-run; which seems a bit desperate but is better than him demanding for his lawyer, and so she indulges him. "Temari's my name. I was supposed to be monitoring Gaara- my brother, he's a student driver...and I now know why he keeps failing driver's Ed. But this was my fault, I got distracted and I'm sorry that all this happened". 'And would appreciate if you kept it from the local authorities', she doesn't say this but she does smile flirtatiously. Gaara should be apologizing too( incase he swings that way) but he remained in the car; now fiddling with her phone ( she was SO deleting SandSurferZ). The boy nods once, wrapping his arm more securely around her shoulders and pulling her closer; her own arm is around his waist; and If he added more weight on her she would lose her balance... And if he'd bend his head, IF he placed his mouth over hers and 'moved' it while his tongue 'flickered' like before, her knees would give and they would have to help each other up again. She banishes that second thought; her brother- an infamous tattle-tell from when they were young- was right behind them-with a phone that had a camera- And he was a random stranger. "Shikamaru. I'll accept your apology as well as your number. But you'll have to drive me home coz I can't feel my legs." And ofcourse he buckles and send them both to the ground.


	3. KibaNata

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Storyline= your training police dog jumps me for food, And since I need a new meal and shirt after it nearly ravishes me you take me out for an apology dinner.  
> PS (between the brackets are light hearted sex related jokes I thought would make the encounter funnier)

He holds her by the shoulders, steading them both. This guy had zoomed into the hotel's reception; just busting in the highly distinguished hotel and shoving old ladies out of his way as he ran. Perhaps it was foolish of her to get in his way, but he had ignored her greetings and pleas for his identification or agenda. And also, Shino; the security; had been dealt a crushing kick in the nuts for trying to stop him, so it had been up to Hinata; the receptionist. "Look lady, I get that this snobby place needs VIP cards at the door or something but this is police procedure so make an exception; ( he's pantig as he says this, getting whiffs of her perfume)and not coz am hitting on you or what but you smell really good. Okay, let me pass and have a good day, Miss Citizen". He sprints through a set of French doors and is gone. Hinata looses her grip on her Bento box, she had been holding it when the guy came in and didn't have time to let go when she rushed to intercept him. "Shino, gosh... Are you-ARHHK!!" She had just been about to reach the man kneeling and holding onto his family jewels when througgh the revolving doors right in front of them a VERY large dog leaps in; and like the guy from earlier runs into her. Only, this heavy Joe successfully knocks her over. Hinata screams as hot food spills over her, burning even through her shirt, then she feels something slimy and sticky licking across her chest. Hinata tried to sit up but the animal is too heavy, she manage to lift her head and she sees that it lay ontop of her, With its paws on either side of her head and its tail wagging at her ankles; marital missionary style. (It could have been choreographed perfectly for a NatGeo interspecies romance show; i mean, it's head was stuffed between her breasts and it's tongue was licking something fierce.) Hinata stares at the shaggy, white furred head and felt its wet and cold nose nuzzle into her cleavage, undecided on where she stood in this impronto love scene. Then it slurps; sucking-sound-and-pouting-mouth-SLURP; a long noddle that had stuck to her chin and she realises that the dog was eating out of her. Talk about being adventurous with the culinary. "Akamaru?! Akamaru...? Where are you boy_Oi! boy?!. Akamaru!?" The person calling comes closer to them, sounding more humourously disturbed. She bends her neck so her face is almost vertical with the shinny tiles she lays on; stretching out more skin for the dog as a consequence; trying to look at the presumably dog owner. She sees him from his shoes- brown training boots, the smallest stain of bird or dog dukey on his left one- up his baggy black pants and over his green and black and brown military jacket- there's a baby napkin hanging around his neck written THIEF. ARREST FOR POSSESSION OF A STOLLEN HEART, which is as sweet as it is out of place. " Akamaru, get off her." The dog whines, eating more urgently. If Hinata didn't think doing so would fracture her pressured ribs she could have laughed; this was ridiculous. "Akamaru, seriously...? Get off NOW!" At the order the dog relents; it gives a last long lick from upper stomach, up her chest, to her neck over her nose and stopping at her forehead. After its foot long smooch it gets off her, slapping its bushy tail at her face as it moves on without a second look; Hinata feels so icky and USED...( Which makes this seem like a sexual assault_ maybe she could report it to the animal crimes unit, 'animal abuse' but backwards sounds like an open case.) " I'm so sorry". Says the owner, helping her to her feet. He holds her shoulders again and it occurs to her at the familiarity of the gesture that it was the Guy. He had held her like this when he rammed into her earlier, and now when his dog had done the same. Mondays, right?. "I don't know whats gotten into him..." He has this ruffian-ness about him; bulky solid build, wild hair and beast like slitted eyes, strong chin face thats dirtied with face paint; there are two fat red strips going down his cheeks. This wild GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE look he has going is oddly endearing. Hot and sexy almost. (Or she's just delirious and sexually traumatised after her molestation). "I-its okay" she says, her old stutter returning. It always kicks in around attractive men. Looking down at herself she see the ugly stain on her blue top, but otherwise nothing; the dog had been through in (eating her out, I mean), eating out of her; ALSO, her exposed chest was glistening with saliva. Quickly, though it was probably too late, she adjusts her bra over her breasts, then buttons up her shirt, tucks it into her pencil skirt and fixes her receptionist tag. Respectable once more. And completly modified. "Wow, that's so messy, does...uhm..does it look like it will come off? With handwashing or I could take it to the dry cleaners." "Don't worry about it. I've got others just like it" she tries to brush it off when in reality this was her favourite and most expensive top. "...And your Bento!? Akamaru, that's just bad manners" the dog hardly looked sorry, stuffing it's face in her fallen Bento box like a starving stray. " Listen, I will pay you back, I may not have the cash right now but later...? Dinner sound right?" He paused to let her answer but she only blinks at him. "What was it anyway?..." He takes the box from his dog and reads the logo. "... Icharama's huh? I know that place, haven't been in a while... Come to think of it, that might be why akamaru jumped for it" He smiles at his dog, not minding that as he held it up the dog continued to eat out of it. "What do you say boy? Icharama's for dinner?" It barks out agreement and he chuckled. She smiles softly, it was cute, this animal human bond they got going.( She wondered if they jump each other often, it would be gay AND interspecies romance show season two.) "Would you mind if we tag along? I'll still pay" Is he 'asking her out'? She's rarely asked out. And smelled like greasy chicken. That's also rare, normally she smells like lavender, and he had said she smelt nice. "Um..sure,yes?" "Yes? YES, well it's a date." "Sir,' come the throaty voice of Shino, " I am going to have to escort you and your pet out".


	4. RinAshi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Storyline= I follow you around town coz I'm too busy reading to find my way, but you think I'm a thief and pepper spray me so now I really do need you're help.

Kakashi stops at the end of the page, he reminds himself to look up ever so often; it would be a dangerous going to get lost in ITCHA-ITCHA FANTASY while walking a city like Konoha.  
Once, he had crossed the street on a red light, not only had he almost been flattened by speedy traffic, he had disrupted the track of several cars, which had crashed into each other avoiding him; when he reached the other side of the road a traffic officer had been waiting for him with the mother of all fines. Now he plays it safe: he reads BUT he either walks his dogs while doing so or, as was the current case, followed a stranger. The people who were not reading and were going where he was going made for reliable substitute guide dogs.  
The woman was turning a corner. He knew it was Her, that is, the one he's following to the clinic; Her hair was still brown, She stlll wore a laced-back top and slitted mini skirt above black leggings... All in all, he hasn't lost her the past 3 pages.  
He goes back to his book.  
So engrossed was he in the book, he didn't see her reach into her purse and pull out a spray can. She twists around suddenly, and while he has lowered the book from his face in a moment of unguarded suprise, she sprays him.  
He first thinks it's perfum but OH, THE BURN!!.  
He shakes his head rapidly, spitting and spluttering as some had gone into his mouth, a hand feebly grasping for the spray can. He does scream, it's quite a girlish sound, when he's eyes start feeling like they've caught fire and tears flow down his cheeks.  
She stops spraying him. " Serves you right, theif". He wipes his hand over his eyes, blinking tearfully at her. He sees funny spots, and wipes his eyes some more. "WHAT?!... WHY...why did you do that?" He starts rubbing his knuckles into his eyes, his eyes were growing more irritated and he couldn't stop crying; here he was bawling his eyes out their sockets when he hasn't shed one tear in years and it's happening in the middle of the streets because of a woman, its all so embarrassing. "You were gonna steal my purse." She says with accusation, he sees the bottle of acid is pointed at him in warning...then he sees black edges. He blinks. "Steal your-? Wha-? I'm Not a stealer." "Then you're a crazy stalker, you've been following me all day." It hasn't been 'all day'... He started around 12 afternoon when he recieved a message from the clinic, he and her had been at the exit of a mall some streets back.  
"I'm not." He sniffles, so embarrassing. "I'm not crazy." "But you are following me. I tried to lose you by taking random turns, I went into a WEDDING DRESS SHOP and out with you following me in the aisles. What's your deal?"she looks confused and defensive; he's glad to see that, even if its a little fuzzy. He wipes his face with his face mask, delicately dabbing his eyes.  
Now that she mentioned it... They should have reached the animal clinic by now, he hadn't noticed she was going the wrong way.  
"I'm... Um, uh..." He slips his book into his jacket pocket, women never have a positive reaction to the cover. "I'mnew. Yeah, I'm new to the city, I don't really know the streets and get lost, so when I overheard you saying you were headed to Inuzuka's Vet I thought to follow you there. It's where I'm headed too." There's a pause and he thinks she might not believe that half baked lie, then she puts the can into her purse, frowning. "You're serious?" He nods. "I was standing next to you, when your... Girlfriend?... Called. You didn't say a name but you asked her to hold the line for you... You were picking up a Lady's Pig at the animal clinic." "You are, aren't you? Serious?." She shakes her head.  
He blinks at her, he's doing that a lot but atleast he's stopped crying. it's getting better, and now getting a good look at her he sees how pretty she is. She has a sweet round face, wide eyes and a small nose, it's one of those faces that make people seem way younger than they are, but there's maturity in her brown eyes, a slight caution that only someone who's lived through Things would have, he recognised it from himself and just for that he can't blame her earlier paranoia. She's also REALLY REALLY pretty, that could inspire forgiveness in a guy.  
"You could have said so from the beginning, we could have gone together but no, you men and your inability to ask for directions." She comes face to face to him, This close to lips to lips. "Give up the handkerchief, I wanna look" she removes his facemask. "It's a facemask." " Have any idea how many gangs wear these? And you aren't in a gang,right? Gangters usually wear it and It's why I assumed...can you see? Is there an itch or burn? Rate it out of 5. Roll your eyes. Look right and left quickly... the left one's awfully teary, could be damaged. Okay, you need to keep it open while I claw it out with my nails." "WHAT?" He slaps his hand over his eye to shield it from her fingers. "That's how much you had me scared." She smiles, "but really your eyes' mostly fine. Red and glassy but okay." As she says this she ties his facemask so it covers the left eye he'd said hurt most. "Pepper spray wears off. If it doesn't we can check it out at the vet clinic." "How far are we to it?" " Not far, and don't be worried it's not anything serious.Believe me, I'm a student doctor. In fact, I'm going to the clinic for a 'special' assignment, to pick up my trainer's pet. She's supposed to be teaching me but sends me out for her chores.Very special." She huffs, and yeah.. he too knows of those bosses. "And your girlfriend..." She snorts, cheeks flushing a little. " She's not a 'girlfriend' girlfriend, I just call her that coz she's my friend and I was trying to sweeten her into taking my shift." She smirks,"and I'm not gonna tear out your tear ducts." He rolls his eyes. " What are you going to the vets for?" "My dog. I'm never letting him near a blender. And just to clear things up, you don't have a 'girlfriend' girlfriend, does that mean you have 'boyfriend' boyfriend?" She laughs. "Rin. My name's Rin. And no"


	5. NaruSaku

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Storyline= read porn...Uhm..Poetry, under my friends window, thinking she's there when I'm actually there instead.

As Sakura changes into her nightwear( she had brought her pajamas when she came over) she hears someone shouting in the background of her soft humming.  
It's odd that she's hearing this for the first time, whoever it was had quite the voice, and she doesn't know how she couldn't have heared before, it sounded for the entire neighborhood; AND she was sure it would wake Saki- whom she had just tucked in after a long time forcing her to bed. She had to make it stop.  
Forgoing the robe, she is in only her thin silky nightgown as she goes to the window. She first peers out of the curtains. The night sky was alight with stars, their sheer brilliance lighting down on the earth so all was clear, she could see the Fukusani backyard, it was an open space of black-green ground that would be fresh lime lawn in daytime, it wasn't too big but the emptyness of it made it seem so, there was only the wooden table they used during picnics. Ontop of it stood a figure.   
She draws the curtain and opens the window, the bedroom she was in was on the second floor of the modest double story house and below it, as she thought she saw, a blonde boy stood on the table, holding up a paper and reading from it out loud. Really outLOUD.

"YOU INFLAME MY... LOINS? MY PASSION FOR YOU FILLS MY ERE-CTION, AT THE SIGHT OF YOU IT STANDS AND BECOMES EN-G-O-R-G-ED....!!!" 

"Big talk!," she says, almost as loudly so that he hears. She laughs when he trips over himself, falling on his head on the bench connected to the table and then landing on his butt on the ground. " Careful You idiot, hahe... And you're using all those big words but do you even know what they mean?" He hurriedly picks himself up and looking up at her, he's blushing so hard she sees the red on his face from up here. He sputters, pointing at her, as he calls out an accusation. "You're not Oni-chan."   
Of course she wasn't Oni, she wasn't even her sister, she was her friend. Other than a mutual love for band boys and working out and cheerleading, the two were different. Especially appearance wise, Oni was the tall Amazon like beauty, she was dark haired and full breasted and everything Sakura wished to be. Sakura was short, she had ridiculous, in her opinion, pink hair and an equally ridiculous forehead, and was flat chested. No one would ever mistake her for Oni, except this idiot.   
" You are not Oni, I am sure now, you're hair's the wrong colour. Who are you and what are you doing in her room. AND AT NIGHT?!"   
Sakura is a little taken aback by his demanding tone; just how does he think he is, asking her such questions when He was the intruder in the property. She wonders if he had jumped the fence or cut it. Either way he has no ground to ask her that. "I should ask you the same. I am Sakura,and yes, I'm not Oni. Oni's not here." He's quiet, frowning. "Not here? I've been reading for HOURS did she hear any of it" "No. She went to a party over four hours ago." "Oh, guess my timings bad. hey, if she's not in why are you there?". " I'm a friend she asked to babysit her sister, Saki." She looks back into her room, half expecting Saki to walk in and claim she had been awoken and doesn't want to sleep anymore. She was one stubborn four year old. She looks back out." If you could keep it down... Whatever you're doing, I don't want to wake her." He's shoulders drop, she thinks he looks a little disheartened. She can't see eveything. "Yeah, I'll leave. Tell Oni-chan goodnight. And goodnight to you too." He fold the paper and puts it into his pants, he wore a dark orange tracksuit. It was hideous, but in the starlight and concealing shadows of the night, he made it work.   
She watches him go toward the fence, she would go to sleep when he's gone, there was nothing to do. Everyone was at the party and she didn't really feel up for it, Mr and Mrs Fukusani where at a funeral out of town, nothing was on TV and Saki, even if she wasn't more than half her age and extremely fussy, was fast asleep. Before she can stop herself she blurtes out,"I like you're speech. You wrote it yourself?" She leans on the window, props her elbows on its frame and leans out even more, there wasn't much else to do when sleepless and home alone but start conversation with random fence jumpers. "No." He stops, head tilted as he speaks to her. "My godfather did; he's a smut writer." She nearly laughs, what a profession. " I could tell, all those private parts joining and you said, 'my neither regions are for your exploration, touch as I have touched when thinking of you' and something about basketballs or was it just balls?" He looks amazed. "You memorized it so easily, your so Smart!. I had to write it down coz I kept forgetting but you heared it just once!" He lowers his voice, "could you help me, you only have to reciete it to Oni-chan, I'm sure you'll do it Way better." She snorts, Sakura Haruno recieting smut? . "Sure. Who should I say sent me?" "Naruto Uzumaki!" He stands taller, prouder. A stray ray of streetlight flashes over his face, lighting up The Biggest Smile- and That starts ringing the bells. " The Dope-ass?" She's heared from Oni about him, he's one of her fan boys, the biggest and most annoying. He's shoulders drop again, gone is the pride. "That's what she calls me; I'm hoping for a nicer word if I keep this up." "You'll get a word alright" she laughs, then realizing how bitchy she's being she stops.  
( he actually looks hurt, she always feels sorry for the boys that sniffle after Oni; unless she initiated the relationship, whereby she wanted something out of them, she didn't give them the time of day)  
"Listen, you probably shouldn't have done this, and If you ever it again lay off the smut, it's offending crude" in this situation however it was sort of romantic, like that scene in Romeo and Juliet. She's never had a boy do that for her, read or sing or anything. Even at school they just wanted to copy her homework. How could he be a Dope-ass when he was so sweet. "Try Shakespeare." She advised. He grins, rocking on his heels. " I actually prepared that. Shakespeare's romantic sonnets, the book said, I copied one on paper but then it got switched for one of Jiraiya's. I didn't realise until I got here and I couldn't turn back when I'ld made it here, could I?. Here, I know some of the verses, I could tell it to you and you'll tell it to Oni-chan instead." He shows a thumbs up, The Biggest Smile on his face. "Sure, let's hear it."   
He poises and stutters his way through a love sonnet, he absolutely butchered Shakespeare but he did it with dedication, admiration shinning off his face as he looked at her the way she said he should if she had been Oni, the way every girl wants to be looked at.


	6. InoSuke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Storyline= at a charity dating auction I buy guy 6 but I get you coz he was 9 and you're the actual 6,so now I'm stuck with you.

Ino flips her luxurious blonde curls, hungry eyes on her date. He approaches;not making eye contact; and he moves right past her table, but she quickly holds his wrist. "Sit right here, Pretty boy" she purrs, kicking under the table so the chair moves out for him. "I'm the one that bought you for the night" she means that in the dirtiest way it could be meant, licking her lower lip with a deliberate slowness.   
He smiles," you must be confused, I was wondering by Yellow Dress over there" he indicated the lady behind them, "if you had betted on me as well you lost to her." She holds tightly when he tries to move away. "I paid 8600 on the number six" . It had been one of the highest beta for the night, and she was certain she won. Pretty boy opens his mouth but what comes is another's voice. " I am the number 6".   
She looks at the man standing by the chair opposite her own, he was equally handsome as Pretty boy but there was an off putting serverity to him( or he was put off serverly). On his fitted navy suit a round paper with a 6 English symbol was pinned, Ino saw that the man she held also had a paper sign - he's had a 9 and his name; which was written on it too; which had been a confusing IAS was now a sensible SAI.   
"Ow yes," Sai chuckles, somewhat forced, "we didn't broadcast it but while I was on stage I had my sign upside down, Yellow Dress saw it and corrected me in private- she didn't want to embarrass me, sweet thing. Who you actually better on was him" . Her new date studied their interaction with a smile so thin it almost wasn't a smile at all. Her would be date continued walking, toward a brunette in a mustard dress that was, in her envious eye, absolutely hideous. "B-but I wanted you. I bet on you. You're the one who called me beautiful and had the pleasent smile, not Him- who's smile is... constipated." She had mumbles her complaints but Handsome boy heard her." You flatter me" she looks away from Sai's backside, to apologize to put off Sasuke's front side. "It would be polite of me to flatter you back," he says," but I get he feeling your vanity mirror does that for you." She purses her lips, He was subtle about it but she knew he was insulting her.   
A waitress comes to their side, putting covered dishes infront of both of them. Ino doesn't recall ordering anything, "What's this." "Dinner, I ordered for you". He places napkin on his lap, grabbing one of her own she does the same. "What if I don't like what you ordered?" Done by anyone else- Sai- the gesture would have been a nice one, but this guy who didn't smile and was matter fact made it a pompous act , he was so sure of himself, he acted as though she would eat whatever he brought her- No, he acted like he would eat regardless of whether she ate or not. She wasn't worth asking what she would like because she wasn't worth anything period, that's what that deadpan face said. She lifts the dish, revealing a plate of fresh greens. She grins, nodding her satisfaction to the waitress who moves on. " You're lucky I'm on a diet." " Could you be more superficial?" This statement become a hypocritical one when he reveals his dish to be the same. " Mr, You were prancing around on that stage, listing all the reasons women should screw for 2 Bob, You're the one selling off your goods at a dating auction." She jabs her fork at him and he scowls," it's a charity auction." She raised a perfect blonde eyebrow. " You're telling me you came here with absolutely No thought of getting laid."   
It really was a charity auction, upstanding society members were gathered for a lovely night at the town hall which had been decorated into something more classy; both genders donated to the cause by betting dates on each other. The romanticism of the evening was what turned it into a dating auction- as it was also known as.  
" It did cross my mind" his dark eyes take her in, a desire in them that was almost overshadowed by dislike; like a red Sun peeking behind black cloud. It almost throws her, how for a fleeting second she thought he's eyes had turned crimson, but that must be lust talking. "But every time you open your mouth I reconsider. Maybe waxing my aunt wasn't so bad after all." He begins to eat, like he hadn't just checked her out. " You think I'm gonna let you have me if you keep insulting me?" " 'Flattering' you. By how often your glancing at my lips you're already taken by me." She focuses on her plate, Pompous Bastard. "Ow please, I came here to get some. I took the pill, did my nails and waxed all over, and I Will get some- even if it's someone's I don't like". You didn't need affection for a good lay, just erotic passion; and Ino Yamanaka, young and single and beautiful, had plenty of it.   
Handsome boy does another thin smile, but this time it twitches like it would widen and he pours them a good amount of champagne; he raises his glass as if to toast, "I intended the same."

**Author's Note:**

> This work is un-beta-ed and there may be mistakes I didn't catch while editing; I especially suck at tenses ; and i apologize for all error which could make the story difficult to follow. Otherwise read and enjoy.  
> -Olivia


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